Sem Lockdown, Day 5

A foul, foul smell awoke Akira Akiyama. She sprung out of her camp bed, slipped her feet into a pair of fluffy slippers and opened the door, saying,

"How smelly is this cheese?"

The three other members of the Rising Star Battalion were also stood outside their rooms, they all looked up and down the hallway at each other, waiting for someone to say something. Miles put his hand on his nose, Akira and Kain followed. Tristan sighed,

"I'll call the CO." He pulled the door to his room open again and disappeared.

"I'll try and learn some Sterculian today then, might come in handy," said Miles.

"You're always two steps ahead," Kain looked at him in slight bewilderment. Akira nodded.

"A strategist has got to be," he pushed his glasses back up onto the bridge of his nose and went back to his room. Akira and Kain shook their heads at each other.

******

"Good evening, fellow citizens," said a muffled Tristan Kearney, "Apologies to those of you who are hard of hearing but we have all chosen to wear makeshift masks to block out the smell of the cheese. Hope you are all coping well. I assure you the military are looking at strategies to combat this as immediately as possible.

 I shall pass over to Kain with the latest updates."

******

"Good evening, everyone. It's been a real stinker of a day, right?

Anyway, we have had a word with our CO about the Sterculian invasion and the advice is to keep calm and avoid the smell as best you can. We are aiming to have the airships out of our hair as soon as possible.

I feel that I should re-iterate that the Sterculians are well-meaning individuals, the only difficulty here is the language barrier. Action is underway to fix the problem. We will resolve this situation as peacefully and calmly, and with the least amount of wafting, as we can.

In terms of the crāpulavirus outbreak, there isn't too much to report. The increase in the number of cases appears to slowly be steadying and the measures in place appear to have been the right decision. Please continue to follow them. The best place to avoid crāpulavirus is inside your own house.

Thank you to the healthcare workers who are working tirelessly right now to look after worse off patients.

Here's Miles with the latest medical advice.

Beep.

"Miles? Are you there?"

Beep.

"Adjefou, wā schelamou..."

"Oh dear, it looks like we've been intercepted. Tristan?"

******

"Yes, thank you, Kain. Apologies for the technical difficulties, it would appear we have been intercepted by a message from the Sterculians. We will do everything we can to stay live, but we may have to cut out.

Since Miles' connection has been hijacked, he has just sent me his script and I will take over his segment.

By now, you should all have received your crāpulavirus test kits and watched our video displaying how to use them. If you haven't, I would encourage you to do so if you can. Please use the test kits if you are displaying symptoms or are worried you might be coming down with the virus.

The next set of swabs you recieve will have a basic GPS system built in which will link to satellites and send data back to the health department so we can update statistics accordingly but, for now, please access the test kit section of our website and enter your results. This will be less reliable but we hope you will be honest with us, it is in the public's interest that we have the most accurate statistics we can get in order to make informed decisions.

Hopefully I will now be able to pass over to Akira with the weather?"

******

"Sāmou, adjefou, ay lisiñey, noshoū constoñes. Shāmou, mā shāmou! Adjefou, wā schelamous. Gressinoū ay deliamoū!"

******

"Well, I suppose I will need to swap places with you then, Akira. For those of you who are interested in the behind the scenes of these broadcasts, Akira and I always do our segments in the same room, taking the right social distancing measures.

"Yes," Akira takes over, "Partly because it's practical because of the layout of this room and also in case of instances like these. However, Tristan also needs someone to ensure he is maintaining the right sort of tone. He knows I'm right, he's shaking his head and smirking in response now.

Anyway, the weather tomorrow will be..."

"Scaramoya, scaramoya, veré da scarangoū? Mou! Mou! Gressinoū..."

"Great, it looks like we're being intercepted too now, Tristan."

"Samoū, adjefou, ay lisiñey! Shamoū mā shamoū!"

"It will be warm in Secat, wet in Piscanturia..."

"Gressinoū ay deliamoū!"

"And dry in Simul Santu. Thank you for your co-operation. We will hopefully be back to normal tomorrow. Goodnight, people of Sem."

"Ay, alora, un musicée!"

https://youtu.be/SqfI3PtF5ao