Sem Lockdown, Day 2

BANG!

"What was that?" Captain Tristan Kearney of the Rising Star Battalion hollered down the main corridor of Alpha Radio Station 1.

"Errm… popcorn?" A sheepish Kain Douglas replied. He ran his fingers down a strand of hair drooping over his forehead, re-reading the instructions on the packet and knowing full well he'd had it on too high a temperature setting. The scent of the burnt treat wafted through the building. The sound of three people slow-clapping ensued.

Akira Akiyama walked into the kitchen, keeping a fair distance as per the health guidelines, and swept her dirty-blonde hair up into a ponytail,

"What did you do?"

"I just had it up too high. Anyone could make that mistake, you know. Please stop making that face at me."

Still frowning at him, she remanded, "Nope, not if they read the instructions."

"That's a fair point."

Miles chuckled as he walked past, re-positioning his glasses on his nose,

"Ahh, it used to be me who made all the mistakes."

"Hey! I heard that!"

******

 

"Good evening fellow citizens, it is nice to pop... I mean, check back in with you all. I hope you have had an enjoyable enough day. Things have certainly been... interesting here at Alpha Radio Station 1. May I remind everyone that it is important to take caution and follow instructions carefully, for the benefit of yourself and everyone around you.

 

Now, without further ado, I shall pass you onto my colleague Kain, can't-microwave-a-bag-of-popcorn, Douglas with the current events."

 

******

 

"Thank you Tristan, can't-let-one-tiny-mistake-go, Kearney.

 

Good evening, Sem. Tonight I have news on the Sterculian cheese situation: some of the airships hovering in our airspace appear to have left and we can't be entirely certain why. Let's all just hope they've gone home and aren't planning to return with more cheese, for all our sakes.

 

Anyway, the crāpulavirus situation remains mostly unchanged. Testing kits are to be deployed by military forces in hypoallergenic packages to your homes in the next few days though. Nearer the time of delivery, Miles and I shall post a video on our website, aaa.qrrsb.alphanetsem, displaying how to use them, It should hopefully be pretty straightforward, they are simple swab tests. After receiving the results of the tests, you should be aware, not only if you currently have the virus, but also if you have previously had it and recovered from it.

 

Thank you for adhering to my message about excessive jumping on the roads yesterday, I am glad to report that no similar deaths were recorded today.

 

Lastly, our Commanding Officer wanted me to pass on the following message: Should you be able to hear your neighbours playing excessively loudly late at night, please contact the military's lockdown awareness and support line and we will blast particularly irritating music through every device in their household for a minimum of 10 minutes. THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE!

 

I shall now pass you over to Miles with some updates on medical advice."

 

******

 

"Thank you very much, Kain. For what it's worth, I find you a very responsible superior, when you're not taking the phrase "nuking something in the microwave" too seriously.

 

With the new testing kits coming into use very soon comes new health advice. If you test positive for having had, and are now recovered, from crāpulavirus then that's fantastic! We shall still require you to stay inside however, for the time-being, to set an example to others. We promise your lives will return to normal as soon as possible.

 

Those of you who test positive for the virus, please remain on the premises of your own home and get someone else to buy and deliver your food for you. They can leave it in a bag on your doorstep. If you can help someone in this way, please do.

 

You now have to take a form everywhere with you whenever you go with the details of the departure of your house. Reasons to go outside include: buying food, doing exercise for a maximum of one hour or dropping off essential items to someone in quarantine. Please visit our website for more information if you are uncertain of the restrictions.

 

Also, if you are experiencing cabin-fever, here are a few things you can do: go outside for a spot of exercise and get some fresh air (so long as you comply with the measures in place), focus on your hobbies and learning new skills or contact a friend or relative. Be sure to take care of any robot staff as well, they can always be doing with some love and appreciation too. 

 

Now for the weather with Akira Akiyama. Good evening, hope you are all doing well."

 

******

 

"Good evening, Sem. I hope you are all doing well too.

 

Thank you very much for all your suggestions last night, I shall include temperature readings and a tiny bit of information on what is currently happening far above Sem's atmosphere.

 

The North and South Poles will remain cold and dry, while the West Pole will be colder than it was today due to a lack of cloud cover, but it will remain 2.5 betareadings above the other two poles. For most of you, who still use Celsius, that's 5 degrees centigrade... Not to strike up debate, but what's the point in having betareadings if they are half of Celsius? Surely that's just like using the old system with an extra step?

 

Anyway, Secat will be 6 betareadings, warm and dry. Piscanturia will be will be warm and wet with a temperature of 7 betareadings and Simul Santu will be will be wet and cold with a temperature of 0 betareadings … And in degrees Celsius that is either 0 degrees centigrade or two degrees centigrade, the creators of the new measurement are unsure as of which yet. How utterly ridiculous.

 

In space, there will be an absolute barrage of meteor showers so, people of Sem, I am glad I won't be flying tonight. Back to you, Captain."

 

******

 

 

"On behalf of myself and the rest of my team here at the RSB, thank you very much for all your positive feedback. We hope tonight's broadcast has been just as entertaining and helpful for you all during these difficult times. To play us out tonight, here is a rather humorous song from Kain Douglas.

 

Goodnight fellow citizens, stay safe and stay indoors."

 

https://youtu.be/eFTLKWw542g